Posted 1 year, 4 months ago at 7:53 pm. 0 comments
I am going to live. The last several days have been a blur, seriously. I thought I was going to end up in the hospital. I have not been that sick in years. Tuesday I felt a little bit of a sore throat. I was coughing here and there but by Tuesday night I felt fine. Wed. I got up and I had a headache that progressed through the day. That afternoon my body started to ache, I felt like I had a fever and the headache was really bad. I took some meds and laid down for a nap before work. S woke me up at 615pm with a “Don’t you have to work mommy?” I ended up being a hour late by the time I got her to daycare and got to work. Everyone had comments on how shitty I looked. I was pale, sweating pretty bad and all around felt like shit. I had a dry cough that was annoying. My body ached. I made it through work, got S and got her on the bus. I laid down Thursday morning Continue Reading…
Posted 1 year, 4 months ago at 10:14 pm. 0 comments
As of tonight I am on day 2 of taking Zyban. So far so good. I really hope I am able to take it this time. I tried it back in 2003 and it made me freak out with horrid panic attacks, but there were other issues such as my untreated irregular heartbeat that escalated it. I have taken care of that and wanted to try it again. I am only taking 1 pill the last two days. Tomorrow I take 1 pill and Thursday I start with the two pills a day. That is the real test when I up the dose. I do feel the “jitters” from it already and that is normal for me. Starting out I get the jitters from it, but it soon fades. I was on Wellbutrin (AKA Zyban) for years as a teenager for a antidepressant so I know my body can deal with the drug.
The side effect of the drug that hits me hard that I am hoping to use to my advantage, is the weight loss. I went almost anorexic while on it. I stopped eating all together and never was hungry. I lost a lot of weight and felt good though. I don’t think it is healthy to not eat, but it will come in handy to not gain a ton of weight. I can force myself to eat and not become unhealthy but also use it as a tool. Continue Reading…
Posted 1 year, 4 months ago at 4:16 pm. 0 comments
I had the honor today to meet Cmdr. Waddle and listen to him speak. I remember the tragic event of his submarine hitting the Japanese boat and recall the media frenzy that followed.
I remember telling myself people make mistakes. I thought it was rather stupid civilians were on the submarine. They have no business being on there and that crew shouldn’t of been put in the position to “show off” for civilians on board a submarine. They are dangerous anyways and very high skilled piece of equipment. Does this remove the blame? No. However, Cmdr. Weddle is very well aware of the blame and completely blames himself. I could feel the emotion in his words today. He knows he killed 9 people and took their lives. He lives with it everyday. I was shocked at the time how he was treated. People just ripped him apart like he was garbage and could care less about his side of the story. He told his side of the story and did not hide like a coward.
I learned something today from him. Strength. Hearing him explain how low he got to the point he wanted to kill his daughter, wife and himself to shield them from the pain and agony. He was not thinking rationally and had slipped to the deepest pits. He hung his head high and continued. It made me realize that even as hard as times get for me they can be worse. I can keep going. He did and no matter what bullshit people spew about him.
Cmdr. Waddle is one hell of a man and a true American man that served this country well and my heart breaks for him. He did a lot of good and I feel for his pain of what he has to live with the rest of his life.
