My heart aches and S is hurting badly. In the end it is for the best and we want everyone to pray for Bee and our healing in this rough time.

In the end we are all just chalk lines on the concrete. Drawn only to be washed away. For the time I’ve been given.. I am what I am. I rather hate you, for everything you are. Then to ever love you for something you’re not. I rather you hate me, for everything I am. Then have you love me, for something that I can’t. Five Finger Death Punch, Never Enough

At times I hear lyrics in a song and it just hits home and makes me think. I think it was just compounded from a conversation yesterday. We are what we are because of ourselves. We can be a chalk line washed away and not remembered or we can make a mark that others remember.

This can be moving on with life, having a family of your own to remember you. Do something others will remember what you did for others. I hope to be this person.

I wish someone else could see this. To move on with life so later on when you are older you dont regret the time you wasted doing pointless things. Not being lonely later on in life.

The first thing I did was go to the 1910 Census. I see the original owner was William Edward Abbott and Laura Patrene Abbott. In 1910 they were listed as the owners and had one child Lillian Esther Abbott who was 14yrs old at the time. This was a good start.

Further research I found that William was born in WI and his father and mother was Edward Abbott and Hester Ann Norton. Edward was born in England and ended up in WI. They relocated to Canton, SD and he was here by the age of 18yrs old. They were farmers.

At the age of 30 he married Laura Patrene Tobiasan (born in Norway) who was only 18yrs old. They married on August 6th, 1892. They had a daughter Lillian in 1895. They farmed until 1906 when they moved into town. They lived on 2nd street before they moved (assume built) this house over on 3rd street.

According to the census William’s jobs went from farmer, to odd labor to house mover. Laura was a homemaker. Lillian was their only child that I can find. This is where the research has been very difficult. I am assuming there are a lot of things I don’t know that would explain the oddities that I have ran into.

There is a history book of the area and there is no mention of the Abbotts. They were obviously a wealthy family. My house for the time was a nice house. The house was not just built plain and simple. There is a lot of wood work and a carved wood staircase. These are still in the house.

Lillian. I am not sure where she went. She is not in the 1930 census but her parents are still here and have other people in the house. A few times they had “roomers” or “lodgers” here at the house. Lillian resurfaces at the age of 35yrs old when she was back in the house with her parents.

Lillian married Floyd Vernon Stark at the age of 39 (he was 40) (Sept 1934) and they lived on a farm near Beresford, SD. They never had children. Lillian found her husband slumped over the wheel of his car on the farm just 4yrs after marriage. The story was in the paper and said he died of “gas” stating he was draining his car. Many people that have read the article get the feeling it was suicide.

It is unclear where Lillian was after this or when she found herself back in this house. William (her father) passed away in 1941 so this was within 2yrs from the death of her husband. Laura her mother passed away in 1963.

Lillian lived in this home until she passed away. She died in April of 1976 at the age of 80. Lillian never remarried and was known as a “widow”.

I am still researching who has the house from 1976 on and would like more information on the Abbotts. I would like to find where Lillian was all that time and also find photographs someday. I will update more as I find more information.

Today is suppose to be hot as hell. Over 90F and the humidity here has been unbelievable. Saw on the news that just 15mi north of me it got to 101 from 70F at around 415am from some strange weather heat burst. Neat. Im sure it did it here, just wasn’t outside to notice.

The grass is growing from all the damn moisture and it doesn’t cut itself so I guess I am gonna have to drag my ass out there pretty soon and get it done. I have weeds in my yard that are poster children for weed killer not working. I spray and spray. Now the ones in the grass those died. At one point it killed my damn grass too. Now though, I got it down with the right shit that it kills weeds not my grass.

The weeds that are in none grass areas like on my patio though, I spray the shit outta them and they just do not die! THEY GROW MORE! It is insane.

My grass though is looking much better compared to how I started out. This is my first summer in this house since I bought it. I am trying to get my yard up to par. My first issue was to have more grass compared to weeds. I accomplished this for the most part. I have a little more work to do, but not much.

Next is ripping out and KILLING even if I have to use frickin BLEACH the weeds under the huge spruce trees in the front. Lay down black tarp stuff and cover with rocks. Hope to get that done this fall. Its all weeds there and no grass anyways. My front yard is nice and green and that is all I need. Past the sidewalk before the road can be rocks.

Right as my front yard starts there is black tarp shit and what is left of wood mulch. I am going to rip that out of there and lay down seed so in the spring when the snow melts the grass just grows.

The joys of owning a home.

I went out and bought a 55gl and learned all I could. I found that I was addicted to catfish. Since I have gotten myself quite the collection of fish. I just bought a 30gl tank yesterday for $50 and it looks great. I will take a picture to show it soon, I left it bare bottom. I am using it for a “grow out” tank for my Bumble Bee Catfish! I buy all my fish as babies. Some have grown large.

1gl - Betta (my sisters)
10gl- empty now, realized me and puffer fish do not work well together. Not sure what I am going to do with this tank, It just became vacant today. The last puffer went to fish heaven.
15gl - Candy the Betta that is healing after the guppies and platys ate his fins off a few weeks ago.
30gl - 2 Guppies, 2 Platys, 1 Bumble Bee Catfish that is a baby yet, 2 Yo-Yo Loaches.
55gl - 1 8″ Common Pleco known as Suck-A-Lux, 1 6″ Vampire Pleco known as James Bond as his L number is L007, 2 Pims that are 7″ and 8″ TankBoss and Pranzer, 1 8″ Rainbow Shark known as Sharkie Warkie (he is a fat ass), 1 4″ Spotted Bullhead know as just Bullhead and boy his face is something only his mother could love, various tetra in there as well.
120gl - that I need to get set up yet to move the 55gl fish into.

I am running out of room!

I am exhausted though, work has been stressful and I feel a little stressed. I am sure it will relax again to the just chaotic stage instead of the everything pisses me off stress stage. I have been in two very aggressive physical altercations (yeah that good of a job) in the last week. Why is this such a big deal? My shoulders are still healing from a car accident so this slows my healing process. However, it is part of my job. Painful.

I even have to work on my birthday. yay.

Walmart here I come. My life is so full of entertainment! I have to go get groceries, cat food, dog food, stuff for the fish and school supplies. Now that sounds like some fun times! After that mow the lawn, clean house, maybe get some laundry done.

Hmm where does the sitting on my ass on the couch to watch some TV and relax with some BonBons come in?

I am not talking about that type. I am talking about those that out a lot of f*cking effort into being stupid and a complete pain in the ass.

The type that plays stupid so they don’t have to do as much.
The type that plays stupid to prove their point, that isn’t real in the first place.
The type that complains about people just to complain.
The type that is jealous so they mask it in being a b*tch.
The type that isn’t as good as you because they don’t try half as hard and b*tch about everything you do like they can do it better, and they can’t.
The type that just complains about you so damn much they can’t seem to get much else done.

Yeah, you know these people. They just suck the life out of you. You can’t help but wonder just how bad it is to live a life being so damn miserable. How can they stand to wake up and look in the mirror? If you are that damn miserable go on some medication or something.

I know this doesn’t make sense, but I am dealing with one of these types and I havent been able to get rid of her for a few years. It’s is such an emotional drain and the thought of dealing with it everytime I head to work just sucks.

Hilary Clinton. This woman is a complete nut case. I was happy to see her lose but it was bitter sweet. The other alternative is worse then her yet, Obama. I digress and evil vs. evil. Clinton is a poster woman for socialism. I agree Obama is much worse but Hilary is just more out spoken about it. She remind me of a damn robot that responds with the same phrases and answers.

Her stance on programs to help the poor, her views on the war, energy stance and so much more really clashes with how I view our life styles. She wants to play Robinhood and folks that doesn’t work! She is dangerous and frankly I am tired of the Clintons.

Obama has so much wrong with him. I can’t call him the poster boy of socialism because I feel that is to light for his taste. He remind me more of the leader of modern day Marxist! Communism you name it. How on Earth can people think this works?

We all know the government sucks at anything it tries to take care of. The government can NOT take care of us. It sucks at it. Why do I need the government to take care of my health care? They can’t even do a good job with military health care, medicare etc. I am suppose to trust them with my health care? I will pass. I have a job that offers insurance. Expensive yes, but it is a price that is important to pay. Those who can not afford health care are getting government health care in federal and also state programs. They all around suck but it is something, adding a more intense load is going to make it better?

There are many people out there that have larger car payments, house payments etc that skimp health care insurance and bitch they can’t afford it. Live within your means people. How about stop thinking that McDonalds or other slightly above min wage jobs are going to get you further in life. Those jobs are great for the high school kids or even college kids. There becomes a time you need to seek something more in life.

Why would I want the government to even think about my retirement? I don’t want to live on the basics after I work my butt off for years. I want more. Therefore I am in control of my retirement. I will get further. The government has shown you that they can’t take care of your retirement. It is going broke.

War. I can sit and type all day on the war in Iraq. I support it, just based on the fact we must take a stance against those who want to kill us and attack us in our own country. Obama has done nothing but diss our troops and now that he realizes this doesn’t give him brownie points with people he has to go to our troops now and suck up. It is really lame.

Obama really thinks that we can’t live like we want to? Is that how he wants us to live our lives? Screw you Obama. It is people like you that hold us back. You are guzzling more oil and resources then I ever will. You remind me of Al Gore. Now remember the poorer you are it is okay the less you use. If you are wealthy it is okay to suck more and more just because.

I don’t need YOU Obama telling me how to live my life, or forcing me to allow the government to take care of me, or forcing me to take care of the entire country.

McCain - He is the best we have to settle for at the moment. I am not keen on his stance on immigration, guns and a few other things. I will take it, because he is much better of a choice compared to the alternative.

What I really want….

I just wish a true conservative would crawl out from under a rock and come out with a bang. I want someone to believe in and to pour my energy into. I am sick of the Liberals and the Republicans turning into Liberals.

me with my grandmother in Oct 1976

Mom and brother in 1974 fishing

My sister swimming in 1973